The All-Annoying Team

Seeing Coco Crisp get in a fight the other day made me think about how many annoying baseball players there are out there.  It also gave me the idea to create the 2008 (current players only) All-Annoying Team. There are certain guys out there that just really annoy me. While some of these guys may be true dicks, there are others who may actually be good guys but generally annoy me.

C: A.J. Pierzynski- Annoyed me ever since he was with the Giants in 2004. Also annoyed me when he got in a fight with Michael Barrett and the guy just looks like a jerk for some reason.

1B: Albert Pujols- Yeah okay…its probably because he is ridiculously good and kills the Padres every time he faces us…but something about the whole ultra cocky home run trot/point to God after after hit/annoying swagger really bugs me. Yeah we found out he is a nice guy in the way he helped Chris Young after he smacked a ball in his face and subsequently took out Josh Bard’s ankle, but still I hold a grudge.

2B: Jeff Kent- Officer Kent is probably annoys me more than anyone in the game. His highway patrol mustache and his overall arrogant personality really annoys me. He is so annoying that I was forced to actually took Barry Bond’s side in their famous Giants clubhouse squabble.

SS: David Eckstein- The guy is smaller than me and he looks like a third grader. His all out, extra-effort, everything I have attitude is really annoying to play against and brings back flashes of that annoying kid in tee-ball that would just dive for every single play. He just looks annoying.

3B: Alex Rodriguez- There weren’t too many annoying guys at 3B to pick from, so AROD sorta wins this by default. Just the ridiculous amount of media coverage this guy gets makes it so annoying to hear anything about him. We don’t hear about Kooz’s relationship with Greene everyday in the national media so why the hell should we have to sit through hours and hours of reports and news on the status of AROD and Jeter. The guy is an amazing player, but just the fact that he plays for the Yankees and has his every move reported like N’Sync, qualifies him for the most annoying third baseman in the game.

OF: Coco Crisp- Totally annoyed with the long hair style of the Red Sox and guys growing out their hair in dreds like Manny, but this guy adds an extra annoying element to his game: the bat fiddle. Watch this guy for one at bat and you just want to chop off his little fiddle fingers as they move up and down annoyingly on the bat. Then after watching the fight from the other day and his comments afterwards and the way he behaved through all of it makes me annoyed by him even more.

OF: Andruw Jones- This guy plays with the ultimate Hot Dog style of defense in centerfield. You will see this guy use two hands to make a catch just about as much as you will see him without a smirk on his face or giggling about something most likely unrealted to the game. Does this guy ever get focused? He always seems to be laughing, but his stats this year are just about the only thing laughable. Extra annoying points for the way his first name is spelled.

OF: Jayson Werth- Another guy who gets credit just for looking extremely annoying. If it isn’t his civil war beard he sported with the Dodgers, its his thin striped goatee that annoys me the most. The guy has acted like a dick to Padre fans (see gaslampball) and thinks he is hot shit, but really he is a less than average player who will most likely by more remembered for being annoying. I’m with GLB crew on this one.

Bench Players:

Matt Holliday-annoying jaw flap when he bats (like a large mouth bass), never touched home plate

Chone Figgins-Just for the way his name is spelled

Johny Damon- Annoying hairstyles with the sox, “does anyone even know who plays for the San Diego Padres?!?!”

Eric Byrnes- Flip flops and dives all around the outfield and tries to be ultra dramatic. A real nice guy though and I would love to have him on our team, but he is still annoying to play against because of his all out effort and overly dramatic plays.

Jim Edmonds- See above. Not only that but he is one of those guys who just seemed like he hated SD when he played here and he was terrible. Didn’t seem like a team player or a good all around guy to have in the clubhouse which is probably why we got rid of him.

Dough Mirabelli- I know he is retired, but if there ever was an all annoying team he would definitley have to come out of retirement to play for that team. “I’m going back to the big leagues” , this guy was one of the biggest dicks ever on the Padres, and nothing was better than watching him strike out 3 times against us in his first game back at PETCO last year.

PITCHING:

SP: Carlos Zambrano- This guy goes too nuts on the mound. He celebrates too much and goes too crazy for the smallest things. Nothing is more annoying than facing a guy like this who is a head case and who fights in the dugout and kicks coolers. Also have to mention the classic “belt off” during the Padres Cubs fight last year…what was he thinking? Glad Barrett got into it with him last year, don’t blame him.

SP: Brad Penny- See above. While he is not as crazy as Zambrano, this guy gets into it quite a bit and can still be equally as annoying. Not to mention he goes to his hair and gets grease after almost every pitch…and the Dodgers questioned Peavy of cheating.

SP: Tim Lincecum- Nobody likes getting dominated by an annoying looking 12 year old.

SP: Jeff Francis- see above.

SP: Pedro Martinez- Has been far too annoying over the years to not be put on this team. Always intentionally throwing at people, looking like a skinny floppy guy and then dominating you is really annoying.

RP: Jose Valverde- This guy is nuts. Absolutely crazy and annoying to play against. He celebrates game 12 of the season like it is a World Series victory. Needs to calm down and be less annoying.

RP: Jonathon Papelbon- The stare down and bulging eyes gets REAL REAL annoying really quick. This guy is another one of the crazies. His celebrating of the World Series was annoying as well.

RP: Eric Gagne- The glasses, “game-over”, the dodgers, roids

COACHES:

Tony La Russa- Pitcher batting 8th? this guy is far and away the most annoying guy ever. Thinks he is a genius and really he is just an a-hole.

1B Coach: Mariano Duncan- Yelling at Jake Peavy during the game was absolutely uncalled for and incredibly annoying.

3b Coach: Ozzie Gullien- Dude needs to stop talking forever.

Umpires:

Mike Winters will be the only ump. He is annoying and a dick enough to cover the whole umpire squad himself.

Wow this turned out to be much harsher then I imagined it would. Guess i just got into it a little bit. What do you think? Any changes?